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Wednesday 22 February 2012

Riding te roller coaster and waiting to all off!!!

I need to get this of my chest and as this is my blog I am going to do it here!! My world is falling apart and I can see no way of holding it together!! I am struggling to manage healthwise and whist things are better on a day to day basis I am exhausted, in constant pain and reliant on drugs to keep things manageable. To add to that I am completey snowed under at work, I just seem to have more and more to do and no time to do it, it's like riding a roller coaster thats going faster and faster and you know your going to fall of but your not sure when!! I am also totally snowed under with ou and nvq work and I have no idea where to start.To add to this today my brother tells me he is moving to Wales at the weekend to live with his boy frend, well considering he said he was taking it more slowly well that is the biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard, he went to Wales last week and now s moving there with no money, no where to live and no job. I think he is being taken advantage of but my opinion means nothing. All I know is that Peter pays for everything and is now going to end up in serious debt! I am not bothered that he is going as the one thing I have learnt about him is that he does what he wants when he wants to and sod everyone else I just think moving 5 hours away is extreme and he will be left with nothing. I am also and ths may sound selfish but I am upset that he obviously has no thought for me or grandad or anyone in his family, I have no problem with living with Grandad it is something I choose to do and I could never just walk out on him but it would be nice to have some support, i guess I will get used to juggling all the jobs, work etc, my life will just be on hold I guess. Part of me wants to tell him to just go and I never want to seak to him again, I know thats Not the way I should be but at the moment I a hurting and feeling vey let down. Why is life never simple Oh well I am waffling now and I know I won't sleep tonight as my mind wont switch of but I need to try as I have a long day to work tomorrow. Right now I want to run away from the world and not return until everything is more manageable. I have to go to work in the morning and I dont want to go, I don't want to do anything! I guess as usual I will go to work, I will work over my hours, I will do 100 different things, I will help everyone I can I will come home and do everything that needs oing because I unlike others have no choice.... And I have a conscious. I was going to restrict who was oing to see this t I have decided if you dont like it then don't read it, it's my space and I will say what I want even if it offends people.

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