Wednesday, 19 December 2012

My blog is moving!!! this is where my blog has moved to as it is easier to manage x

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Another sleepless night!!

Today has been horrible I Have never been in so much pain! My lungs hate me and I feel like I'm going further downhill by the minute!! I just hope it's a blip and tomorrow I will wake up like new!! I have taken all the painkillers I can and Every breath hurts!! Tonight me a my Neb will bring best friends as it does make breathing easier! I just need to get through this week then I can be ill as I won't be letting anyone down! I will go to the doctors tomorrow if needed but I think they will send me in so I wi'll avoid them as much as possible!! Oh well back to watching nativity on my iPad and try and get some sleep!!!

All I want for christmas!

I dont want a lot for christmas?
There’s just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want some healthy lungs of my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is…Health
I don’t need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won’t make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want a healthy body of my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of peoples Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singingI hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won’t you bring me the one thing I really need
Won’t you please bring a cure for me…

I stole this from the internet but it is like my situation!
If I could have one Christmas wish it would be to have a healthy body and definitely lungs that work!! I would give up any presents for that!!

Friday, 14 December 2012

Busy week

This week is definetly the busiest week I have had for ages and I am definetly feeling the effect! Work has been unbelievably busy and next week it is even worse!!
My health has been its normal bad self this week not helped by the fact I am so tired!!
I have just hat back from the surgery and have strict orders for the weekend!! I have a really swollen knee and ankles which apparently is water retention so apparently I need to keep the legs up! Lungs are still infected and blood tests no better so hopefully yet can get an urgent appointment for Southampton to see if they can help!! All this has to happen at the busiest time of the year for me!! I was very honest with the gp today and explained that I feel really unwell to the point where every day is a struggle!! He was really good and said that he is hoping this a blip but also that I may have picked up a flu type bug which has knocked everything out of place, my immune system is so rubbish I wouldn't be surprised!! The instructions for this week are pjs, duvet and sofa oh and extra meds before review on Monday and if lungs and swelling is not better then I will more than likely be admitted for I'v antibiotics!! Fingers crossed things improve as I have to much to do at the moment!!

Smugly has been poorly this week as Well bless him he looked so poorly but today he looks better so hopefully he will be back to his normal self in no time!!!

Oh well I need to summon u some energy to go and get grandad fish and chips then to pick kae up from work!!

Saturday, 8 December 2012

The morning after the night before!

Yesterday was our work christmas party and it was really good fun, I wasn't drinking as I didn't feel like it, and at one point I wasn't even going as I couldn't find anything to wear etc! Anyway I went and I'm glad I did! I even managed to get up and dance, luckily I'm good at hiding how rubbish I feel and I was determined to not let my lungs effect the night! Today has been horrid and very painful! I don't think people realise how tired I get and how it takes me so much longer to recover! Oh we'll ill get there!!

Recently I have been really bothered about how people see me and I'm not sure why, I know who my friends are and that is all that matters! Yes I have health problems and whilst im not going in to it they affect my life everyday in more ways than you can ever imagine! yes I have a motability car and yes I have a disabled badge! I have these because without them I would not get around, there are days when getting out of bed is hard enough let alone going anywhere. I rarely use my blue badge and if I do it's because I really feel that I need to! People seem to look at me and make assumptions which I guess is because they don't know much or are mis guided! Someone the other day said that a long time ago she over heard a conversation about me and people saying I wasn't that ill as I still work etc, well that is due to pure grit aNd determination, I am stubborn and refuse to give it! I was so hurt when I heard this and wish people would put themselves in my shoes for just one day and see what it's like! I'm not asking for sympathy I just would appreciate a little understanding! Oh we'll rant over ill shut up now! I just wish people would think about what they say about others before they say it! I don't actually care what people say about me behind my back but I would rather not hear it. I just want to say this ant aimed at anyone it's just a general feeling I have after some comments I have heard recently! I know that I am being over sensitive but that's the way I am and I can't change it!!!

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Very frustrated!!

Today has been a horrible day and its all because I am so frustrated that my bloody body can't just do as it is asked!! I have been snappy, grumpy and tearful which is not how I want to be! I know I am a bit pre menstrual so that has made things worse!
Today even simple things like opening the door and driving to work have Left me in agony and out of breath! I remember the days when I could work 12 hour shifts and up to 60 hours a week, now I can barely manage the hours I am contracted for. This time of year is so busy for me and I know I won't get through it at this rate as I am being pushed further and further down and to be honest I have no energy to fight!
I am going to try and have a lie in tomorrow and start a bit later, that way I might feel a bit better or I bloody hope it does! I am on maximum drugs so there is no way of changing them to see if that helps!!

Oh well whinge over, tomorrow is a new day and I just need to get through it!! I think I need to go and watch happy feet 2 to cheer myself up!!

Sunday, 2 December 2012

A bit of a mess

After spending the weekend doing not a lot well apart from Christmas shopping and putting up Christmas tree decorations and doing lots of odd jobs I'm not sure I actually feEl any better!! I'm trying to convince myself That I do!! The reality is that tomorrow I am back to work and I have got myself in a right state about it!!! I love my job but Its so busy at this time of year and I know sooner or later im going to end up in hospital  so I'm going to let everyone down!! I have no idea what to do for the best I just want to hide away from the world at the moment! I wish everything was so different or my body would just give me a break!! Oh well I guess I need some sleep before my busy week begins!! Night world!!