Sunday, 31 October 2010

long over due update!!

i cant believe how long it has been since i have written anything here!! its been a bust couple ofmonths and not much has changed. work wise i am now working less hours which is better, i have also started my ou course which is proving harder that u thought but i am surei will get the hang of it soon. i am also now gettind dla which has meant i have a new car and can work less hours. it was hard to accept at first and hate seeing myself as disables,i guess  i still dont sometimes as i think i have to stay positive and be independant.
health wise nothing has changed, i am again writing this post admission to local hospital, this time was scarey, i had a bit of a coldso went to the surgery and saw the lovely nurse for advice, we had a discussion that involved her telling me i wasnt welland needed to go to hospital whilst i was saying i was fine, well i lost and an ambulance was called and ended up going to hospital under blues and twos!! the next thing i new i wasin resuss and then a matter of hours later in itu being pumped thorugh of drugs. really scarey considering i was sayng i was fine a few hours later. i felt so poorly in the end i couldnt of cared if i lived or died. anyway a few days later after lots of rest, drugs etc i was back on normal ward and things improved enough for me to go home. since i have been home i have been struggling to come to terms with the whole situation, i have had some many emergecy trips to hospital in thepast years you get used to them but how many more can i handle im not so sure!! ended up havbing a horrible week of snapping at other people including my best friend which really isnt fair as no one else is to blame. i guess i just feel like itsnot fair what is happening and how i can do nothing to stop it. i never reallised how much my situation effected others and one person made me relaise that it hurt her evrytine i was ill and she didnt know what was going to happen, she is my best friend and i never want to hurt her, fingers crossed i am feeling more myself now and back to being more positive after speaking to someone who made me realise that you have to be positive and concentrate on today as no one knows what tomorrow brings.
one good thing that came out of recent admission was that i got a referall to southhampton hospital so no more going to the brompton as i was not getting anywhere with them so fingers crossed maybe some answers soon/
well what a load of waffle that was but feel better for getting it of my chest
i have a busy week ahead of hospitak appoinemtns and on tuesday i am seeing hospital nurse andi am going to tell her how i feel as maybe she can help me understand it all.!!