Sunday, 23 October 2011

Well once again it has been a couple of weeks since i updated this, the weeks go so quick!!

Not a lot to say apart from things have been better, that is until this weekend when i have an awful cold, its not to bad just annoying really.

got a busy weekend and seem to have work coming out of my ears again, sometimes i wish i never took on NVQ assessing it really does make so much extra work for me, anyway it will get done in the end i am sure.

Oh well life is boring at the moment and that is absolutely fine, i really donlt like to much excitement.


Monday, 10 October 2011

just a quick update

Well it all went wrong, got a cold and within 24 hours was in hospital with pneumonia and a small collapse to the lung, managed to escape on friday which was my birthday. Not a bad admission, they did everything i needed and things improved quite quickly. Now home and i am exhausted, i have hardly moved for days and tomorrow i have to go back to work which is going to be hard, i am starting to think if it is all worth it as i am pushing myself way to hard, but dont know what else i can do. Oh well need to start to think about it a bit more and see what happens.
Cant say much more now as to tired and need o get to bed, i will update soon when i feel a bit more like it.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Thank goodness that is over

What a week, well in a way it has been a good week, i have cried,laughed and cried again!! Its a long story and i dont really want to go into the ins and outs of it but basically for the last few weeks i had been getting more and more depressed about a situation and because i felt so bad i was becoming increasingly parnoid about what people thought. This meant i had convinced myself i was about to lose my job which in turn i felt like i was going to lose everything, the stupid thing was i nearly let this happen and was letting people make my life more difficult just because i kind of got the attitude that i didnt care, when deap down i really did.I couldnt concentrate at work, i even quit my OU course because i believed i couldnt do it and was useless.  That doesnt really make sense but to me it does, basically i nearly gave up on life as i just couldnt cope. The irony of this is people should speak to one another it seems that someone had something they needed to say to me and whilst i was aware that she was being distant it was for completely different reasons than i thought and we were both losing sleep over it, so stupid now and was actually no problem to either for us and we both felt better after the conversation. Anyway since then i have felt a huge amount of relief and realised that things had been going on for a long while and i am the only person that can change them, for this to happen i willbe relying on my friends and family and being more honest about my feelings, i am also putting my health as more of a priority as last week i was so unwell but because i was so worried what people thought i refused to look after myself properly which was not sensible and could of ended badly for me.

So i am trying so hard to get back to myself, which is hard as i still have episodes of being very paranoid, i know who i can trust in life and those people i am going to rely on more and when i am having a bad day or need someone to tell me to stop being daft i am going to be honest with them about how i feel and ask for help, no one has the right to make others unhappy and no one has the right tomake comments about things they know nothing about, so these people are not going to be part of my life.

Oh well i am waffling now all i can say is that over the past 6 weeks there were times wheni could of walked away from life but thankfully i cannow see a future and have decided what will be will be, its a beautiful sunny day so i am going to make the most of it. I have a list of things i need to sort out and do so the sooner i start the sooner life starts again.  Firstly sort  out OU course, do some planning for work and sort out some things at home.
I am not sure anyone reads this and to honest i only write this for myself as a way of getting things of my chest, but i would like to say a huge thankyou to everyone that has helped me and stood by me, you really are my true things and that is one things i have learnt lately, who my friends really are!!!