oh well, what a week

Oh what a week, i really feel the need to have a good moan and as this is my space i think i am going to.

Health wise things are officially rubbish. It all started with me feeling a bit yucky last weekend which i put down to overdoing it and working to hard but this soon appeared to not be the case. So after coughing up lots of blood and gunk of i went to the doctors on monday and saw the nurse i always see. She was not happy with the way things were and said i have a nasty chest infection which was probably pneumonia and the pain was pleurisy. So with strict instructions to go home and rest and with more antibiotics and pain killers and to got a and e if i felt the slightest bit worse. So once i have been over to work and explained the situation that is pretty much all i have done this week. I went back today and feeling a bit better than monday, still not having much sleep due to pain and when she listened to me chest she said that it sounded a bit better but the air entry was rubbish,  after lots of discussions i have to go for an xray and blood tests and carry on as i am, she thinks i will need iv antibiotics as the sample showed nasty bugs but we agreed to wait  until after the weekend and see if the antibiotics can clear it a bit more. I am so gutted that i have been this poorly again as i had been so well for a couple of months and thought that things may have settled down, i guess this could just be a blip and it is winter after all which is always a bad time. I am so tired and exhausted i wonder when i will get better and i think me and the doctor are worried that the lung will collapse a little bit again as i felt like this last time, oh well will have to wait and see i guess and until then do what i am told. I am of to see the gastro team next week and i really need them to be proactive so fingers crossed they are this time.

As for work i have really enjoyed working on care and whilst it is hard work and i am not going to do it long term for a while it is nice, i am also still working on activities so i am getting the best of both worlds at the moment. Work have been fab this week about me being of, i worry far to much about leaving them short and i also worry to much about what people think. I am sure people are saying that i should not work on care and whilst they may be right at times i have to live my life and work is an important part of that for. I would rather live a shorter life but do what i want, rather than do nothing and live for ages.I just wish my lungs would get a grip and not make everything so difficult. Nvq stuff is finally coming along and the one thing about having this week of i can work on that, As for open university i was ready to give up at the beginning of the week as i am so behind but my tutor convinced me i ca catch up and it will be worth it int he end.

As for home, Peter is upset and i wont go into the whys and whats, all i will say i would love to give someone a piece of my mind and if they lived closer i would. I feel sorry for Pete as he has been hurt but he does make me cross as he snaps at grandad and he doesn't understand why. It is like walking on egg shells and grandad moans at me, i guess i am playing piggy in the middle. I was a bit upset when one of our friends said that pete thought that his plans were the excuse to get out of here, that upset me as he is not held here and as i have told him before he can go anytime and no one is holding him here. He is in-charge of his own destiny , that is all i am going to say for now

Oh well i am so thankful for all those around me and my best friend has been my pillar of strength in the past week or so, she means more to me than i can express. she also has been so understanding than she should have to. Oh well i need to talk to her later as i need to tell her somethings that are going on and how some plans we have may not happen quite when we want them to

signing of today
xxx