Monday, 30 May 2011

Today i swear im not doing anything!! I love that song and today that is exactly what i am doing.
I am so tired that i cant even get out of bed, not helped by lungs hating me and body generally knackered.
Bloody chocked on my chinese on saturday and i think i have aspirated it!! this is becming a joke now and soon i wont be able to eat anything, last night managed some cottage pie, mushed up and oh do i feel sorry for people that have to have pureed food!! its gross.
Oh well decided to take today of, or more my lovely manager did, the text said take the day of anf do what i am told so that is exactly what i am doing, hoping that one days rest means i can get through the rest of the week, i am so frustrated by what i cant do at the moment but hopefully things willo think get better,  I am starting to think the vitamin d was helping as i was feeling better when on it and now feeling yuck again, hopefully bloods will be better this week so i can have it again. well enough whinging and whining, i need to start revising for exams soon so may start some prep today and then atleast i have made a start, but before that i may go back to sleep for a little while!!

Sunday, 29 May 2011


well today it seems my body has officially given up on me! i am knackered after spending yesterday doing loads of gardening,t i am sure it will be worth it in the end but oh my god im tired! that wasnt helpedby taking two different types  of pain killers that made me all itchy so no sleep at all!!
definetly a pj day for me today and sofa surfing!!
I really need to start revising for exam soon as feel very unprepared but i guess i will get round to it eventually.
Thank goodness by best friend brought grandad a dinner round as i am so not cooking, thats the problem with never being hungry, you never want to cook and then eat. the weight loss is fab though so im not going to complain just the lack of energy is a slight problem!
oh well not a lot else to add so back to my sofa surfing and maybe a little sleep!!!

Saturday, 28 May 2011

when will things go to plan!!!

Well another busy week and another hospital admission! Things went down hill from a cold quite rapidly! All was going ok until i went to gp for some antibiotics but the next thing I know I'm in an ambulance and being rushed to hospital! Got lecture from ambulance crew about leaving it so late but I honestly thought I was ok! Obviouksy not! Anyway once drugs were going in system things improved and after some very careful monitoring by the itu doctors and me pleading them to not take me upstairs!! Anyway found out i have two nasty infections that need sorting out but it seems we have to wait until the samples have been looked at elsewhere so still waiting! Very busy week at work and the truth is as much as I try and keep up io don't feel like I can sometimes which is causing much frustration! I'm hoping it is a blip after the admission and things will improve! Been busy sorting the garden this week and fingers crossed the opening goes well!! Another thing that has got to me this week is the way I seem to be pushing people away! I'm not doing it on purpose I think I'm scared of hurting people and dont want them to feel the pain I'm going through!! I guess things will sort themselves out and I need to sort it out I'm just not sure how!!
Saw the gastro team this week and they were lovely! They were very honest that the damage is bad and probably needs surgery however the risks are high and lots of potential complications so not sure it is even possible! I guess we will see what happens!! They did mention the fact that I have lost a bit of weight and whilst it's fibe at the moment as i can afford some he was concerned at how rapid it is so now got to
Go to
Dietician!! The stupid thing is i think
He thought i was starving myself and I'm not!!
Can't think of any more waffle and really need to sleep
Before my day if gardening!!!

Monday, 16 May 2011

Have been meaning to update for ages but life is just so busy I never seem
To have a spare few minutes! Anyway can't sleep tonight so here goes! The last few days have been horrendous, not breathing wise but pain wise! Breathing has been quite good and the vitamin d seems to make a difference that was un till they decided I couldn't have it last week because my kidney function has gone wrong! Apparently my potassium is now to low and until that goes up then no vit d! Fingers crossed this week it will be better but I'm not so sure as I feel yuck!! As for the pain, my chest now constantly hurts and seems to only partly be helped by painkillers, this weekend I completely over did it and am now suffering with the constant itching!! Oh well I guess it is a catch 22, itching or pain!!!!
In general I just feel like I want to hide away from the world and not do anything! I'm not sure why just everything seems to much!!! I feel bogged down at work and can't keep up with everything, not because the demands are to much more that I just can keep up! I'm not sure the answer really I guess see what happens! Inside I feel like I'm falling apart and slowly everything is being taken awAy it's funny how vulnerable you can feel!!
I need to think of something positive to say I guess! Oh well can't think of anything! I
Will next time I'm sure! If you are reading this and thinking oh she is depressed, I'm not I'm just facing facts that this is how life is!!!

Saturday, 7 May 2011

busy busy week again!
somehting good happened  though i had a cold and htought i was going to end up in my second home but i didnt so something must be imrpoving. stillnot bad infection but it seems no amount of antibiotics are gonna kill it. Oh well see what happens i guess. Finally i am organising myself at home and work and i feel like things are settling into place, i just hope it lasts, the thing that worries me the most is that i am  expecting to much.
had a really horrible thing happen on friday and whilst i usually dont care  if people are talking about me i thinkpeople should be more careful, aparently i live and die work, well in a way they are right but i dont do it for the reason they give!! aparently i do it to creep to management, i can asssure you this is not the case, the real  reason is sometimes i am to scared to be at home, especially when i dont feel well. for some reason being at work makes me feel a bit better and knowing i have people around me that i trust makes me feel safer.
anyway tonight things are not good pain wise so have taken a bucked full of painkillers and gonna fall asleep in a minute, this probably makes no sense and i will do a better update when i feel more awake.