Tuesday, 30 October 2012


Well I'm finally home after a fight to be discharged! I have heard so many stupid excuses in my life!!
I have seen the nurse at the surgery and she is really annoyed with the hospital! My discharge letter is appalling with no information on it! We had a long chat and she was disgusted with the ambulance crew who seemed in no rush to get me to a and e! The hospital were fine and did what was needed!! I can See her point about the discharge letter and how it tells no
One anything! She is also going to get one of the GPS at the surgery to get in touch with the hospital as it seems no one is taking responsibility for my care. St Richards leave it for Southampton, Southampton don't look after me when I am poorly so all in all no one is really taking responsibility, the nurse us the only one that seems to ever sort things out and I think that's a lot to put on her.
Anyway I'm home and that is all that matters, I'm ver battered and bruised but like my best friend said I am alive!!

I know have the week of as annual leave which I am secretly quite glad about! I usually go back to work straight a way and then get to tired again and poorly! Chester went for his op yesterday so I am dog sitting when Peter is at work!
This morning I have attempted to do the house work and it has nearly killed me but its done! Peter will be home soon so maybe he will treat me to lunch!!
Ok better go as dog crying like a baby xxx

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Alone, pissed of and frightened!!

Yep you've guessed it back in my second home!! Things definitely didn't go to plan the last few days!!
On Wednesday I felt a bit off colour nothing particular just a bit sob and coughing so went to the doctors and lets just say I saw the most stupid doctor ever, I know him as he has been a locum at the surgery for years anyway he basically sent me of with a prescription for antibiotics and told me to go back to the nurse the next day so
On the way out I made an appointment and even the receptionist commented on how bad I looked,anyway went of home and plodded on using my neb every 2 hours, went to work and felt ok, so I thought the nurse would say just carry on, how wrong was I!!
She did the usual listening to chest, sats etc and put me on a neb,she was not impressed with the doctor the day before and said that she thought I should be in, as usual I did the usual I am fine lets try increasing pred etc!! She was having none of it as usual and she went to speak to a doctor and between them they decided an ambulance needed to be called!! The surgery were so lovely and she really did save my life it turned out! I was rushed to a and e resus with sats of 75 hr through the roof and resps of 45, a and e were fabulous and gave me all the drugs they could, I finally made
It to Amu and through the evening was not improving and tireing fast, the iTu team were called and they took over my care, on Friday I was placed back under the care of the medical team. With the outreach team monitoring me since! I fill much better than I did and have since been told I was five minutes from being intubated which is starting to hit home now.
The thing I am struggling with the most is not the fact that I have been so poorly but the fact I didn't recognise it and deal with it better. Today I was reviewed and if tomorrow I am feeling better with improved sats etc I can go home and rest as there is no
Chance if that here.! So fingers crossed that happens as it is so noisy in here.
Once again I have to thank
The NHS for saving my life!!

One thing that is really bugging me today is how much of a burden I feel to people around me, I wasn't going to write about this but as this is my blog I am going to! This isn't aimed at anyone it's just general.
I feel like such a burden with one thing and another, being ill all the time must annoy everyone around me, they can't rely on me for things and whilst I try not to let people down sometimes I can't help it! I don't know if people really understand how tough things are sometimes for me and I don't want sympathy just some reassurance that they understand I guess. I am in hospital and I feel very alone, everyone is at work or busy and whilst I don't really need them to visit as I am so tired but a simple text would
Be nice to show they care. I guess I am
Being selfish in a way expecting things., I guess im just lonely, scared and pissed of at the moment and need some back up from people. I'm babbling now and going to be
In tears soon as I am so tired and I guess everything is just hitting home!!
Right time for a sleep I think

Sunday, 21 October 2012


It is so true that you can feel alone in a crowded room, that is how I feel at the moment and I don't know why!!

I have had the worse headache ever this weekend, apparently it is a migraine, I had no idea this could effect your speech or moving your arms! I have never taken so many painkillers that don't work!! I'm hoping it is gone by tomorrow as I am working and can't afford anymore days of.
I have a hospital appointment as well, I'm starting to feel like they are becoming more pointless as I don't get any further forward, it feels like a tick in the box for them to be honest!
Life in general feels like hard work at the moment so it's like walking through treacle!!!
I think I need to try and get some sleep before tomorrow

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Bloody angry!!

This is going to turn into a real angry post so I apologise in advance!

This week I was supposed to be on holiday but am working a couple of care shifts to fill in! Over the weekend I had a busy week end but managed to do all that I needed to do! Yesterday I worked all day and whilst it was bloody hard work it was nice to be doing the job I love! It made me sad to realise that physically I can't manage it long term but I guess occasionally is better than nothing at all!
Any way today I have a day of and I made it very clear I was not getting up early and doing nothing! Well what a joke that was, the house looked like a bomb hit it last night and this morning it still does so of I go again cleaning up everyone else's mess!! I asked eye to do it yesterday but he was far to busy out with his friends and basically spending as little time at home as possible! Anyway it is done now and why is it that they want to help half way through which pissed me of more as everything gets thrown on my bed so that I can of course clean that up as well!! Anyway as usual pets acts like the selfish individual he has turned into and cares about no one but him self!! Enough whinging for now as I know have to do the washing and shopping otherwise grandad won't eat tonight!!

Hope everyone's day is better than how mine has started!!!

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Feeling used!!

I haven't updated this for a while, life has been so busy and I have had a horrible cold that has taken its toll!!

I know this is a sad thing to get excited about but so far I have not been admitted to hospital because of having a cold and it upsetting chest!! Fingers crossed it caries on like this!! My chest is grumpy and it hurts like hell but I am managing it!

Life in general is hard at the moment. I am quite worried about several things and people and not sure what to do!
Me and Kate had planned to go away next week as we are both on annual leave, I feel like I have let her down as there is no way I feel well enough to go away but also financially I can't afford it! I think it will have to wait to next year, doesn't stop me feeling quilty though!!

I have another situation that I have no idea how to cope with, I feel really used by it and like I am only there for there own convenience, it's something I nee to sort out but not sure how at the moment!!

Grandad is driving me insane at the moment I love him to bits but he doesn't want to do anything for himself, this morning I really wanted a lie in, Peter has buggered of to work and I have grandad and smugly to sort out, one day I will actually get a lie in but today I guess not!!

Oh we'll I am whinging now so best I go and get ready to do the shopping etc!!

Friday, 5 October 2012

Bloody colds!!

Today I have woken up with a stinking cold!! Couldn't even lift my head of the pillow without my head feeling like it would explode!! I had to reluctantly phone in sick for work as I feel so horrid, feeling very quilty about it as I know they are so busy at the moment and me being of means I can't help them. Also had a phone call from doctors surgery to say they need to speak to me about recent sputum results I wonder what bugs I have grown this time!!! Oh we'll will find out at 5pm. I am desperate for this cold to not end up on my chest as I have a busy week next week!!!! I think it will though as my peak flow is already below 200 when it was 400 at the beginning of the week. I am trying to rest and do not a lot and remain in control!!! Enough whining as after all it is only a cold, I just hate the way a cold causes me so many problems.

I am worrying myself about other things at the moment, I have been so busy that I have hardly had time for my friends lately, a combination of eat , sleep and work seems to of been my days! I care about them very much and hope they know that!!

Yesterday I went to Birmingham fur our garden competition and we won!! I'm so pleased as we all worked so hard!! I borrowed Irene's dress and everyone commented how nice I looked! I am not the most confident person when it comes to getting dressed up but with Kate and Irene's help they did a good job of making me look coordinated!!
I am worried about a couple of close friends as they are working themselves in the ground and I am not sure what I can do to help them as I am snowed under myself!! Oh we'll need to think about that. Right must go as think I need an afternoon sleep!!