an old letter!!

Searching through the computer today and i found this::

Kate i am poorly honey, I am not sure how much I have let on but I have felt rough for days and nothing is working, I am of to hospital soon as much as I don’t want to but before that I want to tell you a few things just incase I never get the chance.

As I sit here fighting for breath, I seem to have completely lost all my brains so sorry if this makes no sense.

Well I guess the most important thing I want to say thanks, you have always been there for me and I love you with all my heart. You are my best friend the whole world, we have been through so much together and I never want to leave you. You have always been there for me through thick and thin and I want to say I will never be able to thank you enough!!

Some things I want you to promise me, if this all goes tits up and the worst happens don’t be sad you can cry but don’t be sad we always knew my life would be short but I have had a good one, it has had its ups and downs and definitely had its trials and tribulations. In a way if this is it maybe its better to go out on a high, I have had a brilliant couple of weeks and felt well, so at least not all suffering. I can’t say I am not angry I think why me all the time, but this is not a time for that, I don’t have the energy to be honest!!

These are a couple of things I need you to do for me.

My family, I know this is not your job but tell them how much I love them and how I will miss them terribly!! All the paper work etc they will need is in my room. Tell Pete how much he means to me and how much I love him!!

Granddad, please make sure someone takes care of him! As much of a nightmare he can be I love him and worry about him all the time!! I will miss him and tell Uncle Stephen he has to look after him and take care of him

Now for the morbid stuff I guess

Funeral, please make it a celebration of the good life I have had no black and very simple, not to religious and no smelly flowers please!! I will sneeze all the way to heaven!! People can give donations I guess maybe to asthma UK, they need to do something to stop people living with this awful disease!!! If you can get Zach Efron there that will be great!!!! As or music, I don’t mind something cheerful you can always play mamma mia or high school musical, may not be appropriate so will leave it to you,  As for afterwards whatever you like but remember I will be watching so no locking yourself in the toilet and crying, talk to me I will always be there for you!!

Well I guess that is all I wanted to say and fingers crossed you will never have to read this and once again I will beat it again, I am tired this time honey and cant carry on like this it is hard work!!

One last thing, I once heard someone say, life is not measured in the breaths you take but in the moments that take your breath away!! This is so true, never forget this live life to the full and never regret anything!!

Please if I don’t, remember I am always here for you and will be with you always, I will be up there having a party with my mum and your dad and all our families so I am not scared just sad that it had to be this way!!!

Well honey of to hospital now, so fingers crossed that they can do medical miracle!!!

I love you always and forever and my life would have been nothing with out you!!!

Your bestest friend.

I remember briefly writing this many months ago when i was so poorly and honestly thought me time was up!!! Thank goodness it wasnt and i am still around, this made me think how bad things have been! 

Why i am i putting tit on here, i have no idea i just think it shows how ill i have felt and com eout the other side, i guess i  need to look at this and be thankfull i am still here but also think that life can be easily taken away so i think the moral of this is live every moment like it is your last!!!!