Well as it is now easy to see when i last updated this i was not in a good place mentally or physically, last monday i literally fell apart!!! It was long time coming and happened rather badly.
Its funny when you are in middle of it all you just dont notice how bad things are and even with poeple telling you it doesnt seem to make it any easier.
I had had no sleep for two weeks and it was starting to slowly drive me mad i couldnt sleepthrough fear and i couldnt function during the day due to exhaustion. I managedto confide in someone and the knew what was going on and how bad things had become, if it wasnt for her i wouldnt be hear today as i was so down i would of quite possibly done myself an injury, scarey stuff when i thinkabout it now. I amnot going to say much more than that about it, it was an awful time and i dont want to go back there again I am so lcuky yo have such a caring manager who realised how bad things were and helped mesee what i needed to do.. I ended up going to the surgery and seeing the nurse who i see all the time for chest etc, she was by no way suprised and decided i needed some antidepressents and councelling, neiher at the time i had the energy to argue about so ofi went and that night i actually slept for the first time in weeks.anyway the next day things were a bit better but then i was sick and fainted at work, it seems after a long week i had low potassium and high theophyllin levels and felt like death warmed up! after a bad week fromthe new drugs and then trying to deal with the potassium etc i finally felt better after some medical intervention on saturday, it also seems oneof the drugs i was taking for chest can cause severe anxiety so that has been stopped,well enough going on about my terrible three or four weeks, it feels like i have those weeks so i just have to let them go and move on i guess There are some good things that have come out of it and that is everyone knows that things arent so good as i make up and how i am not allways honerst about how i feelorneeding help i have managed to change my hours at work and now feelmuch less stressed about it and will hve some chance to catch up on all the things i have not been doing because i was in such a bad state. I have also realised how lucky i am to have such lovely people around me and how i need to lean on them sometimes. I also now have a counsellor and as much as i find her hard work and try to think i need her, i guess i do really as it gives me chance to say what i think and no one takes offense. I feel like she has opened a can of worms today and i am not sure i am ready to deal with them at them moment so i am not gojng to say to much at the moment.
I am still really really tired and by the end of the day i am just about managing to get to bed before collapsing. I need o start looking at the positives and living each day as it comes so thats my plan. I feel so much better in myself and just hope it lasts for alittle while in the mean time i have some things to sort out and need to work on them over the next few weeks.
Oh well enough for now
xxx
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