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Friday 11 November 2011

It seems to be ages since i have written on here, not sure why just been so busy.
I warn you know and i am not sure if anyone actually reads this but this is going to be moaning post as i feel like i need to let of steam and this may be a good place. My counsellor always says people dont know how you feel unless you tell them and that is true however some times even telling people doesnt help.

Been a busy few weeks and am full of mixed emotions as the moment. On a positive note i had a horrid cold and i never ended up in hopsital so that was fabulous. After this i had an appointment at southampton this week and i was kind of thinking things had improved however it seems i was so wrong. My lung function was appauling and he was really worried, he thinks i need to be resting more and taking it easy which i find impossible. I am starting some new treatments this weekend and know the side effects can be bad so going to wait and see what happens. at least i dont have to work this weekend as i am exhausted. I hate being constantly in pain and so tired but i guess this is the future and i am not sure anyone really understand.  I guess what makes it harder is i dont look ill so people just dont get it, i just wish sometimes they could look beyond that see that inside i am falling apart. At least i dont feel so depressed now so thats one positive thins, i guess fingers crossed the new drugs work.
I am trying so hard at work to keep going and do all i can but i am finding it hard and i hate to admit it. What i find harder is working all day and then doing it all again when i get home, it seems like i am being pulled in a hundred dufferent directions and everyone wants something at the time. Today is a prime example of that and whilst i am not going into to much detail as i dont want things being misunderstood i could really do with some help sometimes, i wont ever get it so i guess we carry on as we are. At work today i realised how much i miss my old job and how much i have given up, which was hard and meant i had a little cry on the way home.
I am completely bogged down with OU work and NVQ work and i am not sure how to sort it out but do plan on doing some this weekend and then next week so fingers crossed i catch up soon. It seems never ending at the moment and my to do list just gets longer.

Oh well i guess i have lots to be thankful for and i have lovely friends around me, i also have a good job and understanding company so all in all things arent that bad, i ithink i am just exhausted and need to take it easy this weekend, so other than housework, shopping, washing etc etc i might get five minutes rest this weekend!!!

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