What a week, well in a way it has been a good week, i have cried,laughed and cried again!! Its a long story and i dont really want to go into the ins and outs of it but basically for the last few weeks i had been getting more and more depressed about a situation and because i felt so bad i was becoming increasingly parnoid about what people thought. This meant i had convinced myself i was about to lose my job which in turn i felt like i was going to lose everything, the stupid thing was i nearly let this happen and was letting people make my life more difficult just because i kind of got the attitude that i didnt care, when deap down i really did.I couldnt concentrate at work, i even quit my OU course because i believed i couldnt do it and was useless. That doesnt really make sense but to me it does, basically i nearly gave up on life as i just couldnt cope. The irony of this is people should speak to one another it seems that someone had something they needed to say to me and whilst i was aware that she was being distant it was for completely different reasons than i thought and we were both losing sleep over it, so stupid now and was actually no problem to either for us and we both felt better after the conversation. Anyway since then i have felt a huge amount of relief and realised that things had been going on for a long while and i am the only person that can change them, for this to happen i willbe relying on my friends and family and being more honest about my feelings, i am also putting my health as more of a priority as last week i was so unwell but because i was so worried what people thought i refused to look after myself properly which was not sensible and could of ended badly for me.
So i am trying so hard to get back to myself, which is hard as i still have episodes of being very paranoid, i know who i can trust in life and those people i am going to rely on more and when i am having a bad day or need someone to tell me to stop being daft i am going to be honest with them about how i feel and ask for help, no one has the right to make others unhappy and no one has the right tomake comments about things they know nothing about, so these people are not going to be part of my life.
Oh well i am waffling now all i can say is that over the past 6 weeks there were times wheni could of walked away from life but thankfully i cannow see a future and have decided what will be will be, its a beautiful sunny day so i am going to make the most of it. I have a list of things i need to sort out and do so the sooner i start the sooner life starts again. Firstly sort out OU course, do some planning for work and sort out some things at home.
I am not sure anyone reads this and to honest i only write this for myself as a way of getting things of my chest, but i would like to say a huge thankyou to everyone that has helped me and stood by me, you really are my true things and that is one things i have learnt lately, who my friends really are!!!
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