Well i have been home from hospital a week now and it seems recovery is a lot slower than usual.

I have had a busy week at work and home, the queens jubilee meant that i had lots on at work, it was really lovely but hard work at the same time, i am really lucky that everyone at work got involved and were brilliant at helping. I always count my blessings that people at work always help me and i know i wouldnt be able to stay in my job without them.  The whole jubilee was lovely and made everyone proud to be british i think. 

I am really struggling health wise, since i was discharged from hospital i still have an infection and have just had some results showing that i have pseudamonas infection so more antibiotics for me, the last few days i have been in agony with my chest, they say it is pleurisy all i know is i feel like i am having a heart attack, every time i breath in i could cry with pain. I am taking as many painkillers as i can and even they don't last for long. It has ruined my plans this weekend and has meant i have let people down, which annoys me as i hate my health getting in the way. The other problem is i am so tired i could sleep all the time now and even doing little things is hard work, i hope it is just the infection and over time things will improve if not i have no idea what will happen. I am at that stage where i am to tired to do things but i dont want to give them up either as that would make me feel like such a failure.

I am so fed up with it all at the moment and just cant snap out of it but its harder than people think. 

I also hate letting people down and having to rely on others, one of my biggest things is i dont ask for help and then struggle to do it myself and half kill myself doing it.  I am so lucky that i have some very close friends who i think know how hard things are for me and always step in if necessary, i just some people that are closer to me could see it and just do simple things that need doing before i have to ask them, oh well i guess thats life.

I have been thinking alot and people that i have not seen or spoke to for ages, i know i should make more of an effort to maintain contact buts its hard and there expectations are sometimes more than i can manage. I am going to make every effort this week to try and do something about this, i just hope they understand and can see it from my point of view.

Anyway i am waffling now as i dont have anything interesting to write. 

I think its time for more pain killers and a little sleep and hope that makes me feel better

xxx