why, why, why!!!

Why is everything such an effort today? do people really understand? How much longer can things carry on like this?
These are all questions i have running around my head tonight.
My arm hurts, my lungs hate me and everything seems such an effort, and its Sunday and back to work tomorrow.
I went out on Friday night and had the funnies night but then i have spent two days recovering from it. I think back to the times when i could go out and then just carry on as normal, i just get to tired these days and it bloody annoys me.
I have hardly done anything for the past five days as i couldn't go to work as i had partially dislocated my shoulder and had to rest it, the thing is now i dont want to go back to work,i know everyone gets used to having time of but this feels different. I dont feel like i can actually manage everything anymore and whilst i used to love going to work and i still do to a point it is such hard work and i am exhausted by lunch time. Its not just tired it is pure exhaustion. I dont feel like i give 100% anymore as i just cant manage it. I get by i guess and i have to as we need the money but i wonder how much longer i can carry on fooling myself and everyone around me. I need a sit down job and one that starts and finishes at work as i just cant manage all the extra, im just not sure this job exists for me. I guess time till tell and until i can find something i have to carry on as i am.
I think my lungs are just grumpy today as its warm and humid. I just cant get a deap breath, my peak flows are only 150 which is not good for me and i am just tired, i guess an early night might help. My arm is also driving me mad as it hurts, but having it in a sling is a nightmare as i cant do much.
I also wonder how much people understand, i have never asked for extra help but sometimes i should, i spend so much time trying to cover up how i feel and really i want to be screaming for help.
This is turning into a really whingy post and i know things will not change unless i change them.
I think i need to think about things and decide what i can and cant do and then try and work from there. I guess one of the problems is one day i feel like i have loads of energy and could do anything and others just walking to the car is an effort.
Oh well an early night is needed i thing

x