It's seems a long time since I have updated this, today is one of those days where I could either scream or burst in to tears!!

Life at the moment seems full of problems or challenges and I want to run away from it all. Instead of running away I guess I need to deal with them.
I have a to do list as long as my arm and no idea where to start, people seem to pile jobs on top with no thought to how I am supposed to get it done. I have nvq assessing to do but can't be bothered, that's the opinion everyone else has so why shouldn't I! I have stacks of work to do and it just builds up and up. Last night I actually felt guilty I wasn't catching up and it's my day of, that is ridiculous so I have decided no work st home during the weekend, I don't mind during the week but I need days of to recover and recuperate!

Health wise things are naff, I have been trying so hard to put on a front and it seems to have worked to a point, that is for the people that don't know me well.
The truth is I feel terrible all the time but have to get on with things, I am tired and I hurt but it doesn't stop people putting demands on to me, I guess I am my own worst enemy as I should say something but I can't, I feel like such a failure sometimes. I am awaiting more test results and then decide whether I can manage any more antibiotics for these stupid bugs. I had my ph study and the nurse said that it showed masses of acid and she was surprised that I have so few symptoms, I'm hoping this will sway the surgeon in a few weeks time to do something! I saw my local consultant who was nice and sympathetic to my situation but said there was little he could offer. He is concerned that my heart is working so hard because my lungs aren't I guess so he is referring me to cardiologist! We will see I guess, the good thing was I had a cold and it didn't cause to many problems.

I seem to be stuck in the middle of trying not to rely on other people at the moment but at the same time people seem to be relying on me for lots and I know I can't help them to much even if I try! I am thankful for having supportive family and friends and sometimes wish they would just wrap their arms around me and tell me everything will be on, if only life was that simple.

One good thing that has happened lately is Chester moving in, here makes me laugh every day and does cheer me up, stupid dog!!!

I am really worried about a couple of people in my life and wish I could do more, if only I knew what to do I guess that would help, if only fairy god mothers existed!

On Tuesday we are starting chub club at work, I really want to lose some weight so I'm hoping this will be what I need! It's not a competition but just encouraging one another!

As I have hardly slept this week I think an early night is needed so it's Wimbledon final, dinner and bed for me, or that is the plan, I can dream cant I.

X x x