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Saturday, 27 October 2012

Alone, pissed of and frightened!!

Yep you've guessed it back in my second home!! Things definitely didn't go to plan the last few days!!
On Wednesday I felt a bit off colour nothing particular just a bit sob and coughing so went to the doctors and lets just say I saw the most stupid doctor ever, I know him as he has been a locum at the surgery for years anyway he basically sent me of with a prescription for antibiotics and told me to go back to the nurse the next day so
On the way out I made an appointment and even the receptionist commented on how bad I looked,anyway went of home and plodded on using my neb every 2 hours, went to work and felt ok, so I thought the nurse would say just carry on, how wrong was I!!
She did the usual listening to chest, sats etc and put me on a neb,she was not impressed with the doctor the day before and said that she thought I should be in, as usual I did the usual I am fine lets try increasing pred etc!! She was having none of it as usual and she went to speak to a doctor and between them they decided an ambulance needed to be called!! The surgery were so lovely and she really did save my life it turned out! I was rushed to a and e resus with sats of 75 hr through the roof and resps of 45, a and e were fabulous and gave me all the drugs they could, I finally made
It to Amu and through the evening was not improving and tireing fast, the iTu team were called and they took over my care, on Friday I was placed back under the care of the medical team. With the outreach team monitoring me since! I fill much better than I did and have since been told I was five minutes from being intubated which is starting to hit home now.
The thing I am struggling with the most is not the fact that I have been so poorly but the fact I didn't recognise it and deal with it better. Today I was reviewed and if tomorrow I am feeling better with improved sats etc I can go home and rest as there is no
Chance if that here.! So fingers crossed that happens as it is so noisy in here.
Once again I have to thank
The NHS for saving my life!!

One thing that is really bugging me today is how much of a burden I feel to people around me, I wasn't going to write about this but as this is my blog I am going to! This isn't aimed at anyone it's just general.
I feel like such a burden with one thing and another, being ill all the time must annoy everyone around me, they can't rely on me for things and whilst I try not to let people down sometimes I can't help it! I don't know if people really understand how tough things are sometimes for me and I don't want sympathy just some reassurance that they understand I guess. I am in hospital and I feel very alone, everyone is at work or busy and whilst I don't really need them to visit as I am so tired but a simple text would
Be nice to show they care. I guess I am
Being selfish in a way expecting things., I guess im just lonely, scared and pissed of at the moment and need some back up from people. I'm babbling now and going to be
In tears soon as I am so tired and I guess everything is just hitting home!!
Right time for a sleep I think
Xx

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