This blog has always been a way of me sounding of and putting my thoughts on paper, its no meant for anyone to read necessary, its more for my own way of getting things of my chest! If people wish to read it then thats fine, im sure people read it and think i am always moaning and groaning, i think it is a lot of moaning as i tend not to moan in day to day life so this is the only place that i do.
In the last two weeks i have been to four funerals, all people through work and it is sad and i feel terribly for there families and friends but such a happy release for them, i think the greatest pleasure in my job is caring for people in the last days of there lives and being such a part in such a distressing time. They always say you mustnt get to close but its hard as your caring nature takes over. death seems like such a waste of life but i guess it is just the next thing and i honestly believe that after death is whatever you want it to be, no pain, no suffering and around the people you love.
I found this lovely poem today about death and i think it is perfect
I think going to funerals also makes you very aware of your own mortality and your family around you, i feel very quilty that i dont see some of my family, mostly through lack of time and always being busy and really need to make much more of an effort to change this, life is to short and you never know when you wont have the opportunity.
On a happier note chester has completely changed things for me, as much as i hate to admit it, he has turned me soppy and soft.
He gives me a reason to get up in the morning and has the ability to make me laugh all the time, he is very playfull and as much as he is bloody ugly i do love him. I ttell him all my problems and although he has no idea what i am saying he seems to understand and gives me the look!!! He also comes to work with me, which is fab as they love him, he does need some teaching but i think we are far to soft with him.
As for my health that is a nightmare, i am on more drugs than ever and i am not sure what any one them do, i am tired all the time and this is bugging me big time. I am struggling with my hours at work but cant afford to cut them any more, its so annoying as my brain wants to do loads but my body says no. I love my job but im not sure how much longer i can cope as it is exhausting. I miss my old job and i am so jealous of watching other people doing it. I could apply for an easier job within the company but i know i would never be ok watching someone else doing my job. I am struggling with pain in my chest and it is ok with painkillers but i cant take them when working as i am tired. I guess i am lucky i work with such a fab team who all support me otherwise i would have given up a long time ago. I am waiting to take part in a research study, not that i really want to but i kind of feel something may come out of it and i may benefit in some way.
Everything at home is ok, pete is better now and i feel bad that i wasnt as supportive of hime when he was in hospital as he was me, but i was struggling with juggling everything. I think he is happy in his new job as he talks about it alot and thats a sure sign. I overheard a conversation he was having the other night where he was saying he was going to move to brighton, i am kind of hoping this is not going to happen to soon as he needs to get settled down again and sort things out, i havent asked him as i kind of think that he will speak to me if he needs to as we have an agreement where there is no secrets between us. Its his birthday on Thursday and i havent got him anything yet, i feel a rushed trip to town tomorrow or online tonight.
Oh well i havent got a lot more to moan about and chester is just ruining a flower pot and digging a hole so better go and sort him out.
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