New year

It's new years eve and I thought I would take this opportunity to say a little something! Well what a year there have been highs and lots of lows but I got through it with the help of my wonderful friends and family!! The highlight of my year was attending strictly come dancing and meeting Anton du beke it was a dream come true and a day I will cherish forever! I can't thank those that arranged it enough and can't express how much it meant to me! The lows have been bad and when I look ack I'm not sure how I got through them, my health has been really bad at times and several times I have been to poorly o imagine, these times were scary and when I look back I could of easily given up, fingers crossed things have moved on as I'm not sure I can deal with that again. I know things aren't great now but I can cope with how they are. I really want to express my appreciation for my friends and family tat have helped me this year, They really have been fab, the most important person in my life is Kate and she knows t, she is my bet friend and I don't know what I would do without her! The last few weeks things have changed in my life and I'm looking forward to next year, I am now doing some care shifts again and I love it, it is hard work and is going to take a little time to get used to it again but I am really enjoying t, I still do my job one day a week so I feel like I get the best of both worlds. My earth has also been ok and more stable thanks to new drugs, although the side effects are harsh I am dealing with them now, my bloods are still a bit iffy and needed a little boost yesterday but I'm hoping that was a one of I have hurt my back at the moment and am a little worried that it is steroid related so gonna get it checked out on Tuesday when dr speare ribs me about blood results. Oh well I am mumbling now. As for the new year I'm not really one for new years resolutions, I have some decisions to make which includes ou course as I have kind of lost interest and have so much other stuff to do, I will decide next week n what I want to do. As for tonight I'm not sure what I'm doing, I don't mid either way we have tickets to go out but it's kind of a let's decide on the night thing, Pete is in Wales so I hope has a nice time and grandad doesn't want to go out. We will see. The most important thing I have learnt this year is cherish life and cherish those around you as it can be gone all to quick. And to tell those around you that you love them everyday. Oh well I'm having a pj and playing on iPad day I think!! Happy new year everyone xxxxxxxxx

i feel very spoilt, thank you xxxxx

Well Christmas has been and i was so spoilt that i feel guilty, i got some amazing presents and am so thankful. An ipad which i love and will give me hours of fun, a kindle which i love and can use all the time. A new camera which i really needed. I also have some new pjs and a dressing gown and at first thought that i would never wear them as they were a size 12/14 and i have never been that small, but OMG they fit, which is fab and makes me feel better about my size as i was feeling really fat. I also have some fab fairy lights, new duvet and picture for my room which are all up now. Also some microwaveable slippers which are fab and finally and alarm clock so that i get my bum out of bed on time, which i need as need to get up earlier now. Oh and the most fabulous hats which i love. So all in all i was very spoilt as i also have a new hot water bottle which has been used and much, much more. I was in tears a lot yesterday as i felt so special and really feel like i didn't deserve it. It was also another Christmas and this year has been quite bad at times and my health has been horrendous so it was an important milestone. Things are starting to look up and i am hoping next year is so much better and i don't really care if things aren't perfect i just want to live my life and me as well as i can be. This year  has been hard and at times i could of given up but the one thing that it has taught me is how important life is and how important your friends and family are, they really have stood by me this year and helped me so much.

I have changed my job a little bit and so far so good, i am tired but then again i have been really busy, i love working as part of the care team and never thought i would again so its nice to have the opportunity to have another go. The only thing that worry s me is that i can never say if i don't feel well as i will immediately be taken of the job, but like i said everyone gets ill at some point, we will see what happens i guess. I am not sure if i am going to manage the long days but early s seem OK at the moment. Today i think i have over done it a bit as have needed nebs and oramoph this afternoon as not feeling great but i am sure it is just a blip and tomorrow things will fine.

I also have something else keeping me occupied at the moment and it s giving me a reason to get out of bed at the weekends, i think i had got myself very depressed a few months ago and wasn't even getting dressed at the weekends, but now much better.

Oh well i am waffling now but i have one more thing i want to say, well actually two. I know Kate reads this sometimes and i want to see you mean so much to me and i know this christmas has been hard for you and mum, i am always here for you and if you need anything you only need to shout, I appreciate what you do for me, more that anything in the whole world , thanks for the fab presents i love them and hope you like yours, thanks again sweety and thanks for standing by me. Now to say thanks to pete for the fab presents, as i have said before you need to follow your dreams and do what you want in life, im not going to say much more as i have said it all before.

Oh well i need to play with new toys.

Happy christmas to everyone and may your new year be as special as you want it to be

xxxx

what a busy day, Christmas shopping done, tree up, presents wrapped and cards written, so glad it is done as was starting to worry it would never get done. The only down side is feeling terrible tonight, pain is the worse it has ever been and have taken all the painkillers i have. Lungs hate me and are playing up badly, i really need to be OK this week as i have so much planned and with christmas getting nearer i have things to do. 

I am annoyed that my bronchoscopy date has been brought forward to this Tuesday and i am not sure why as it isn't really convenient, i am hoping to get hold of them tomorrow and get a changed back to the original date. we will see i guess and if they wont then i will just have to go with it and work around it.

I am kind of feeling stressed about everything at the moment and finding hard to please everyone so some people are just gonna have to wait.  My to do list never gets shorter and i am not sure it will ever get better, I am not sure if i am gonna manage work tomorrow as i feel terrible but i will try and see what happens as don't wont to let people down, or for people to make comments. Oh well i am whinging on now  and really need to got to bed as i am exhausted. 

Oh well its saturday night again and yet again i am sat indoors with grandad thinking about an early night as i am so tired.
Been a difficult week feeling exhausted and sick, now i have a rash which aparently is a bacterial or viral infection, i have had blood cultures done so now waiting the results, fingers crossed its just a viral thing that is going around.
The new drugs i am taking still make me feel sick and today i have been sick most of the day but i am hoping over times things will get better as i think they are helping in away.
Been to the opticians with grandad today and his eyes are worse so new glasses needed, which means i am going to have to go back next week with him as well, it seems i am the only one this family that does all the running around with him. I am getting so annoyed with people taking the piss out of him and he lets them, it seems anyone can do what they like apart from me, i am not putting it up with it much longer as i am going to put my foot down about it. I am not going to say to much more as i would go on for ages!!
Oh well bed for me as got things to do tomorrow then back to work again for another full week.


x x x